The car that has been my own for 5 years and one of the greatest luxuries of my life.
I’ve taken road trips in that car. Hooked up in that car. Rear-ended people on the freeway in that car.
Selling it was weirdly emotional. Too emotional. So emotional that I had to stop and ask what the fuck was wrong with me.
I mean, first off, I sold the car to my sister so at least I get visitation rights. It went to a happy home and I feel at peace giving it to her.
And I don’t need a car in Seattle. I don’t really need a car, period, since I plan on traveling around the world.
So why was selling it such a big deal?
You may expect this post to be a lecture on materialism, greed, and what’s wrong with society. It’s not.
It’s a lesson on letting go.
And more specifically, moving forward.
I was attached to my car for a multitude of reasons.
But what’s really important is why I wanted to sell it in the first place.
That “evil” thing that you sometimes need in order to make your dreams a reality.
I sold my car because I want money to travel more.
But selling my car quickly became a symbol for the beginning of a new chapter in my life. An exciting, fulfilling, and scary one.
Everyone has that moment. The moment where they are faced with decision on which direction to go, what career to pursue, which Prince to marry, etc.
And that decision is usually a difficult one. It is the difference between comfort, and self-actualization.
Keeping my car would mean staying in Seattle for longer. It would mean more insurance payments, staying at my job for longer, postponing my trips.
But selling it also mean that when and if I came back to Seattle, I wouldn’t have that security to fall back on.
And what’s scary about that to me is that it is a material security.
I have loved ones in Seattle. I have a life here. I love it here.
If I came back to live in Seattle, I would have security in a multitude of ways.
But I don’t want my life to be about my attachment to things and places.
I want to be attached to ideas. Dreams. Love. Goals. Morals.
Because those things follow your wherever you are.
Recently I have had a very hard time with letting things go. It’s mostly been out of fear of the unknown.
It has created this tension inside me. I know in my heart what I want to do, but I have things holding me back.
They are things that I have attached superficial meaning to, and I know that these meanings will not last forever.
If I don’t let them go, they keep me from becoming the best version of myself- the person I want to be.
This not a call to “leave it all behind and travel the world”. There are definitely things worth holding onto.
I will miss my family wherever I go. I will still be a caring and compassionate person. I will still have a love for art, adventure, and activism.
But no more tears will be shed over a car. Or an apartment. Or the boxes of crap I am going to sell on Craigslist.
Because as cliché as it sounds, I know that that stuff means nothing in the grand scheme of things.
There will always be more STUFF. I want to invest in experiences.
What is that STUFF in your life that you need to let go of? Is it keeping you from being the person you want to be?
If so, you know what to do…